The Potato And It's Buds

As most might have guessed by now Goddess Potato is a “she.” And being the proud vagina owner that she is, like many others she has encountered a few– well a bunch– of fuckboys. 

Now, what exactly is a fuckboy? In Goddess Potato’s life, every man that walks in is one unless he proves otherwise. 

A fuckboy, she says, is not the guy who sucks at texting and replies hours and hours later. Sometimes he starts with an apology but sometimes he just starts with a simple, “Hey, how was your day?” 

A fuckboy is the guy who sucks at texting and is proud of it. 

He’d leave you on read and won’t text you the next day or the day after unless he is horny again or needs help with calc homework.

A fuckboy is not the boy who asks you questions or gives unnecessary explanations when questioned about something.

A fuckboy is not the boy who wishes your best friend a very happy birthday when he sees your story on snapchat. 

A fuckboy is not the boy who seems useless at first and doesn’t offer any help but asks you if you’re okay when you tell him that you’re struggling. 

And a fuckboy is definitely not the boy who is confused about what he wants in life. About what he wants from you. 

“Let’s get real people,” she says taking a sip of her pink lemonade. She has been obsessed with that drink recently.

“It’s not the poor guy's fault if he’s confused. Like seriously who in the world is not confused,” she lowers her shades a little and looks at you with her dark black orbs which seem to be glittering with mischief.

“Confusion is the first thing I face every morning when I wake up. Sure, it’s something as trivial as deciding what to wear,” she shrugged, “but it’s a hassle nonetheless.” 

Next, she sighs and takes off her shades staring off into the sunset. She rambles on, “I know it’s horribly cute when he asks you if you had your dinner yet. I know your heart starts pumping blood at what seems like the speed of light and you get butterflies flying in random directions in your stomach."

She shakes her head, "Well girl, you just gotta digest em! He is just being courteous.”

She looks at you again, a lazy smile playing on her lips as if she knows what you’re thinking.

She probably doesn’t know jack shit about what’s going on in that head of yours but she’s going to act like she does. And you’ll believe her. She’s a goddess for a reason. 

“Ever wondered after every disappointment in the form of a man that you’ve experienced why it only happens to you? Ever wanted to scream out of frustration? DUDES SUCK ASS!,” she shouts the last part only to prove her point. 

She knows the joke’s shitty but she still hopes you laugh or else she would die of embarrassment- not that she’ll show it. 

“I’m not gonna lie,” her tone changes as she gets up from her place on the blanket that she’d laid out.

She wanted to spend time with you as you watched the sun lose all its hope as the day came to an end and drown in her bestie’s arms while her bestie- moon- cajoled her and everyone else to sleep. 

“I’m not gonna tell you that you’ll find the perfect guy soon. Nuh-huh, perfection doesn’t exist. Its like physics,” she rolls her eyes.

“Laws about shit you can’t see and everything goes over your head. You know what? Fuck Newton for fucking up our lives! He’s dead now but he just had to screw us up with his laws and random shit."

She growls, "I mean an apple for shit’s sake, really. I wish it was a coconut that fell on his head. Would’ve hurt like a bitch but he deserved it I tell you,” she got sidetracked. Again. Yes, that happens very often. 

“What was I saying again?” she said after her few deep breaths as she tried to control her frustration over the English scientist. 

She sees the possibly horrified look on your face- understandable since you just heard her talking about bashing a dead dude on his head with a coconut for discovering something that changed the way we look at the world now- and remembers,

“Oh yeah the dumb fucks who won’t leave our minds. So girlie as I was saying, you’re gonna meet millions of them. They will all act sweet and wonderful but do not fall for it." She flicks her wrist as if talking to a child.

"Sure enjoy your life, get some of that good dick you deserve it but in the end, remember the only thing important here is you. And you don’t need no man to help you. You are your own person and the only thing that you need in life is You.” 

And with those parting words she walked back into her room but not before asking you to clean up after yourself because remember kids- cleanliness is next to godliness, oh wait that sounds wrong. 

Cleanliness is next to goddess-liness. Yup, that was better.

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Hello wonderful people!

We apologize for the delay but hope you'll enjoy this post as we tried to do something different this time. Other than that we hope the words of Goddess Potato inspire you because after all who doesn't come across fuckboys in their daily lives.

Have a great week lovelies and stay warm!

Lots of Love
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